How Has God Been Faithful To You?

It has been a week since I last wrote my prayers and thoughts on my journal. Something happened recently which caused my heart to feel a number of emotions that I couldn’t easily process. Usually, when I am faced with concerns, I express myself through writing and I talk to God about them. But, this week, I just did not have the strength and motivation to do so.

Today, I had an extended time to rest because I wasn’t feeling well. My throat is getting sore and I can feel my immune system weaken even after indulging in Vitamin C. Aside from healing physically, I knew that I needed to intentionally take time to rest my heart and its concerns as I spend time with the Lord. It felt awkward and slow at first because a week already passed. But by God’s grace, He encouraged me to draw near to Him again and to remember His faithfulness in my life. With a weak heart and body, I opened my box of journals over the past years and took those from 2008 to the most recent journal this year. I then decided to read through all of my entries on March 5 from 2008 to 2017.

I had a few good laughs as I read through them because of the concerns and feelings that I shared. But, after reading, I appreciated how God was very personal and gracious to me during the different struggles and seasons in my life since 2008. Yesterday, at church, we were encouraged to recall God’s faithfulness through Lamentations 3:21-23.

So, I thought of sharing snippets from my journal since 10 years ago. May the Lord give our hearts the desire to spend time with Him and His Word each day, no matter how we feel; no matter what we’re going through.

How has God been faithful to you recently? :)

“If we are faithless, He remains faithful, for He cannot deny Himself.” -2 Timothy‬ ‭2:13‬ 

(Photo c/o Hiroshi)


March 5, 2008

Hay. This week, I’ve been struggling with Person A (forgiveness) and Person B (patience). I hate this feeling. Here I go again, Lord. Please comfort me and give me wisdom. I want to hurt Person A badly. UGH. But, I know I can’t. PLEASE HELP ME TO FORGIVE. Later, I’ll be throwing water-filled plastic bags towards the wall, so I could release my stress. Well, that’s if mom will allow me to waste plastic bags. This is sad. I am sad.

March 5, 2009

Thank you for waking me up on time and for this time that I can talk to you. I pray thay I would honor you today and that I will be still and know that You are God. Please guide me as I answer my management science test later. I tried to study but I don’t know if it’s enough…

March 5, 2010

I am not good at this — managing my time and really understanding my lessons well. Lord, I pray that you would show me Your grace once again and give me wisdom so I can maximize every minute that I have today.

March 5, 2011

🎶If I lost it all, will my hands stay lifted to the God who gives and takes away?🎶

I’m still struggling with insecurities, pride, and jealousy in my heart. I’m still tempted to believe in the lies in my head. But, I know there is no reason for me to be insecure because I know that You’ve loved me and will always love me no matter what…

March 5, 2012

Today, I’ll continue job hunting and fixing my attempt to blog. In a few weeks, it’ll be my 5th month of being unemployed. In spite of the impossible events and discouragements I am seeing, I want to still trust in you that you know what you are doing.

March 3, 2013 (closest journal entry)

Lord, I know that there are things I’ve done this week that did not honor you. I confess the trash in my heart and ask that you would help me control myself from engaging in sin. Thank you for new mercies each day. I may be weak but You are strong.

March 5, 2014

*sigh* I don’t know if I’m already giving up on myself because I’m tempted to believe in lies. I guess every time I make a mistake at work, I tend to have a hard time forgiving myself. I also try to be strong whenever that happens. But Lord, you know how weak my heart can get sometimes.

I know my relationship with you is worth it. It’s worth more than anything. So, I choose to honor You by not giving up even when I fall down.

March 4, 2015 (closest journal entry)

Day 2 of sick leave. Haaay. Is there any unconfessed sin in me? Is there something wrong with my heart and mind? Sometimes, I may not understand why You allow me to experience these hassles in life. But I know for sure, nothing goes to waste when they’re placed in Your hands. You will cause this unfortunate situation to work out for the good. I need to have faith in You, my Healer.

March 6, 2016 (closest journal entry)

It’s been two weeks and a day since I last wrote on my journal. I just feel so far from You. I’m sorry, Lord. I don’t feel like blogging, working, communicating, or even taking photographs for the upcoming contest. I feel so discouraged now. Please speak to me through the message at church today.

I hope it’s not too late for me to facilitate in the True Life retreat. It’s an opportunity that I want to take, if it’s Your will.

March 9, 2017 (closest journal entry)

I can’t wait for our date tomorrow. Huhu. I missed you, Jesus! I realized how badly I need to seek You and not the idols in my life. I’m sorry for having idols in my life — including myself.


Even When I Don’t See, I Still Believe

I only hear stories like this in testimonies shared at church. You know those types of stories where the people share about being miraculously healed by God? And how their cancer disappeared and the doctors couldn’t believe it?

Well, do you remember my most recent blog post about my cracked tooth? Miraculously, the crack on my tooth is gone. THE CRACK ON MY TOOTH DISAPPEARED. I couldn’t believe it. Doc Grace also couldn’t believe it.

On my way here earlier, I was semi-dreading my appointment with my dentist. A part of me wanted to get it over with. A part of me was also worried and very sad about the fact that I will be having a denture at a young age. But, another part of me accepted the fact that my tooth had already given up on me. As I parked and walked towards the clinic, I remember telling God, “Lord, if it is Your will, would you please make a miracle? Would you please heal my cracked tooth which honestly seems really impossible. But if not, Lord, I trust that You will still take care of me.”

I sat on the dental chair and kept repeating these words to myself “Bahala na si God sayo, Nicole. He’ll take care of you. You can have peace in your heart because of Him.” When doc Grace opened it up and did a few tests, we were both surprised that I didn’t feel any discomfort contrary to how I felt while I was chewing on that side this past week. She took an X-ray photo of my tooth just to double check the crack before finishing up the third session of my root canal. While waiting for the film to develop, I laid down on the dental chair and kept praying “Lord, I find my strength in You. May Your will be done. May Your will be done.”

A few minutes later, doc Grace said “I can’t seem to find the crack!”

With a confused look on my face, I stood up and went near her to take a look at the X-ray film myself. My eyes widened as I saw the miracle right in front of me. It really was gone! We got the X-ray photo taken last Feb. 3 and compared it against the one that was taken today.

DOC GRACE: That’s weird.
ME: It’s sooo weird.
DOC GRACE: It’s weeeird.
ME: I know. That’s suuuper weird! What happened??
DOC GRACE: It seems like your prayers were answered! Even I don’t understand what happened. I just know that last month, your tooth had a crack below the gums and now, the tooth under the gums is whole.
ME: Doc! Maybe there was a dirt when the first X-ray photo was taken?
DOC GRACE: The dark curve on the film wasn’t a dirt because artifacts (metal, dirt, etc.) will be colored white on the X-ray, not dark gray/black. Also, the curved crack last month was so defined. It wasn’t even a straight line which could have been mistaken as a reflection of a pattern of the X-ray machine.

She then finished the rest of the root canal procedure and I thanked her for it. I still couldn’t comprehend what happened. It wasn’t sinking in. For weeks, because of my cracked tooth, I struggled emotionally, physically, and spiritually.

There was a time last month when I even complained about my situation:

“I wouldn’t have this cracked tooth and root canal if it wasn’t for the huge pasta.
I wouldn’t have the huge pasta if it wasn’t for the deep cavity.
I wouldn’t have the deep cavity if it wasn’t for the molar jacket and lack of guidance of a previous dentist when I wore braces.
I wouldn’t have braces if it wasn’t for my crooked teeth.
I wouldn’t have crooked teeth IF IT WASN’T FOR YOU, LORD! This is your fault! Why did you have to make me this way? Why didn’t you just give me a straight set of teeth?”

But, after numerous times of struggling and surrendering these thoughts to Him, I was humbled by the Lord and reminded to still trust in His plan for me. He showed me that He made me the way I am for a special purpose and I just needed to trust that He is able to use me to be a blessing to others even through my weaknesses and flaws. He also helped me be grateful that I can still enjoy my favorite food and that I am not allergic to anything.

Honestly, I still am struggling with my worries about my teeth’s situation since it went through a lot already. But, the miracle that God showed me today moved my heart so much that I ended up crying in front of my eldest sister as soon as I arrived home. I felt this comfort and peace from the Lord as if He was telling me: “Nic, I see your heart. I see how much you are struggling. But, I know and can see that you want to honor me still. Because of My grace, I will make your cracked tooth whole and heal it miraculously today. Continue walking with Me. I am watching over you.”

Out of the overflowing grace and comfort in my heart, I cried to the Lord: “Most of the time, it really is difficult for me to trust in You and faithfully walk with You especially when I don’t understand why You allow things to happen or why You made me this way. But today, I was encouraged to surrender my 1% to you. Even if I feel like I’m stuck, at the bottom of the pit, or weak in my walk, if there is at least 1% in my heart to seek and follow You, Lord, I am humbled to do so. You are able to use even that 1% of faith in me, as small as a mustard seed, to show Your power, glory, and sovereignty in my life!”

“…Truly I tell you, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there,’ and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you.” -Matthew‬ ‭17:20‬

Thank you to everyone who prayed with me! I pray that you would be encouraged to give even your 1% to the Lord, no matter how weak, disappointed, angry, confused, and indifferent you may feel at this moment. Whatever it is, our God remains to be the same faithful and gracious God that He is. He sees you. He knows your deepest hurts and needs. He will continue to take care of you. He just wants you to take that one step of faith!

I read my previous blog post and realized that the Lord already answered most of the prayer requests I listed! Thank You, Lord, for Your grace!

“The only place I can go is into your arms
Where I throw to you my feeble prayers
In brokenness I can see that this was Your will for me
Help me to know You are near
Even when I don’t see, I still believe…”
-Jeremy Camp