It has been a week since I last wrote my prayers and thoughts on my journal. Something happened recently which caused my heart to feel a number of emotions that I couldn’t easily process. Usually, when I am faced with concerns, I express myself through writing and I talk to God about them. But, this week, I just did not have the strength and motivation to do so.
Today, I had an extended time to rest because I wasn’t feeling well. My throat is getting sore and I can feel my immune system weaken even after indulging in Vitamin C. Aside from healing physically, I knew that I needed to intentionally take time to rest my heart and its concerns as I spend time with the Lord. It felt awkward and slow at first because a week already passed. But by God’s grace, He encouraged me to draw near to Him again and to remember His faithfulness in my life. With a weak heart and body, I opened my box of journals over the past years and took those from 2008 to the most recent journal this year. I then decided to read through all of my entries on March 5 from 2008 to 2017.
I had a few good laughs as I read through them because of the concerns and feelings that I shared. But, after reading, I appreciated how God was very personal and gracious to me during the different struggles and seasons in my life since 2008. Yesterday, at church, we were encouraged to recall God’s faithfulness through Lamentations 3:21-23.
So, I thought of sharing snippets from my journal since 10 years ago. May the Lord give our hearts the desire to spend time with Him and His Word each day, no matter how we feel; no matter what we’re going through.
How has God been faithful to you recently? :)
“If we are faithless, He remains faithful, for He cannot deny Himself.” -2 Timothy 2:13
(Photo c/o Hiroshi)
March 5, 2008
Hay. This week, I’ve been struggling with Person A (forgiveness) and Person B (patience). I hate this feeling. Here I go again, Lord. Please comfort me and give me wisdom. I want to hurt Person A badly. UGH. But, I know I can’t. PLEASE HELP ME TO FORGIVE. Later, I’ll be throwing water-filled plastic bags towards the wall, so I could release my stress. Well, that’s if mom will allow me to waste plastic bags. This is sad. I am sad.
March 5, 2009
Thank you for waking me up on time and for this time that I can talk to you. I pray thay I would honor you today and that I will be still and know that You are God. Please guide me as I answer my management science test later. I tried to study but I don’t know if it’s enough…
March 5, 2010
I am not good at this — managing my time and really understanding my lessons well. Lord, I pray that you would show me Your grace once again and give me wisdom so I can maximize every minute that I have today.
March 5, 2011
🎶If I lost it all, will my hands stay lifted to the God who gives and takes away?🎶
I’m still struggling with insecurities, pride, and jealousy in my heart. I’m still tempted to believe in the lies in my head. But, I know there is no reason for me to be insecure because I know that You’ve loved me and will always love me no matter what…
March 5, 2012
Today, I’ll continue job hunting and fixing my attempt to blog. In a few weeks, it’ll be my 5th month of being unemployed. In spite of the impossible events and discouragements I am seeing, I want to still trust in you that you know what you are doing.
March 3, 2013 (closest journal entry)
Lord, I know that there are things I’ve done this week that did not honor you. I confess the trash in my heart and ask that you would help me control myself from engaging in sin. Thank you for new mercies each day. I may be weak but You are strong.
March 5, 2014
*sigh* I don’t know if I’m already giving up on myself because I’m tempted to believe in lies. I guess every time I make a mistake at work, I tend to have a hard time forgiving myself. I also try to be strong whenever that happens. But Lord, you know how weak my heart can get sometimes.
I know my relationship with you is worth it. It’s worth more than anything. So, I choose to honor You by not giving up even when I fall down.
March 4, 2015 (closest journal entry)
Day 2 of sick leave. Haaay. Is there any unconfessed sin in me? Is there something wrong with my heart and mind? Sometimes, I may not understand why You allow me to experience these hassles in life. But I know for sure, nothing goes to waste when they’re placed in Your hands. You will cause this unfortunate situation to work out for the good. I need to have faith in You, my Healer.
March 6, 2016 (closest journal entry)
It’s been two weeks and a day since I last wrote on my journal. I just feel so far from You. I’m sorry, Lord. I don’t feel like blogging, working, communicating, or even taking photographs for the upcoming contest. I feel so discouraged now. Please speak to me through the message at church today.
I hope it’s not too late for me to facilitate in the True Life retreat. It’s an opportunity that I want to take, if it’s Your will.
March 9, 2017 (closest journal entry)
I can’t wait for our date tomorrow. Huhu. I missed you, Jesus! I realized how badly I need to seek You and not the idols in my life. I’m sorry for having idols in my life — including myself.