I woke up at 4:30 am today feeling very anxious. My mind kept thinking about situations that triggered my insecurities and it caused me to re-visit my past moments of hopelessness and defeat. I began questioning my self-worth in Christ and I felt discouraged that I was struggling with these kinds of thoughts again.đł
I couldnât go back to sleep, so I decided to wait for the sunrise instead. As I stared at the ceiling, I prayed to God and shared what was in my heart. He then reminded me to look back on Godâs faithfulness in my life and start thanking God for the little and big things. I ended up reading an old entry from one of my journals and I came across Psalms 90:13-17. Verse 14 struck me! It says:
âSatisfy us in the morning with your unfailing love, that we may sing for joy and be glad all our days.â
At that moment, I felt the Lord re-assure me to keep my eyes on Him â the only One who can truly satisfy my heart. Even if I was feeling anxious, insecure, and worthless at 4am…
It was also an opportunity for me to choose Jesus and be satisfied in Him and His unfailing love. Not only in the morning, but in ALL the days of my life.đđŒ
I went to our veranda and sat beside the window overlooking the sunrise as I listened to Mallary Hopeâs song entitled âMeâ. In a few minutes, the Lord displayed a playful sunrise right before my eyes. My family was still sleeping (even our dogs) and it was such a beautiful, peaceful, and re-assuring moment between me and my Heavenly Father.đ„° I thanked Him for the anxieties that woke me up at 4am because it led me to having that humbling morning with Him.
Despite not being a morning person, I was able to organize my gardening tools, remove weeds from the container beds, prepare my breakfast, cook ginger tea for my throat, and sang more songs to the Lord. I remember telling God a while ago, âWhy do I feel this way, Lord? I have peace and joy and in my heart now, compared to when I woke up! Iâm actually smiling now, as I boil ginger in water!â And He immediately reminded me of Philippians 4:4-7. By Godâs grace, He made those verses very real in my life this morning and I am even more encouraged to continue abiding in Him and in His Word.
Anxieties may still linger in the coming days or even decades. But, in the midst of these, I am learning that we have a constant, faithful, and loving God who is graciously available 24/7 for us. With the help of the Holy Spirit, we can also surrender our thoughts and emotions to the Lord and be victorious over them! He tells us to rejoice in Him always, to be gentle, to not be anxious, and to pray in every situation with thanksgiving! And as we obey, His peace will guard our hearts and minds indeed.
Thank You, Jesus!
