In my previous blog post, I mentioned how I have been experiencing struggles with my health and car this month. It has not been easy especially because of the physical pain and the increase in my expenses. But, God has been faithful in reminding me of who He is. By His grace, He even allowed me to write a new song about it a few days ago. My weary heart eventually found strength in Him as I accepted His will and purpose for me to go through those hurdles. However, this morning, I found myself blurting out “Aww maaan! Not again, Lord!” as I stared at one of my car’s wheels which had a flat tire.
Last Friday night, before leaving the office, I noticed that one of my tires needed more air. At first, I didn’t want to pass by a gas station because it was out of the way and I really wanted to go home immediately. But I thank the Lord for giving me wisdom to still have air pumped in the tires, because I found out later on that one of them only had 4 PSI! If I went home straight from the office, I would have gotten into an accident considering the traffic on a Friday night. I decided to observe it over the weekend and have it checked at S&R (where I have free services) today since it was near my office. It seemed okay even until last night, but when I woke up this morning, the tire had already given up.
My parents were on a plane from another country, my brother was doing errands in the morning, and my sister needed to go to work already (but she did help me try pumping air and looking for help in the village). Unfortunately, the electric pump didn’t help and my car was parked at a slope, so it probably wasn’t a good idea to keep working on it at that angle. I felt so exhausted at that time, so I decided to breathe and eat back at our place. Also, it was because I needed to drink my antibiotics in the morning (another hurdle I’m going through).
As soon as I was able to settle down, I told God how hurt I felt again that He continues to allow the hurdles to happen. I battled hearing lies from the enemy and truths from the Holy Spirit. I dramatically said to Him, “Is this a consequence of my sins, Lord? Is my heart still not surrendered to you? Is it because I wasn’t able to dig deep in your word last night and only poured my heart out on my journal?” I was so overwhelmed that I began to cry. While I was crying, I began to sing the song that He recently impressed on my heart:
“You’re the same today and yesterday, and You will be forevermore (Hebrews 13:8). You’re my Lord and Savior. You are Hope and Healer. You’re the sovereign Lord who holds all things. (Colossians 1:16-17)”.
I then said to myself, “Nic, God is good and He always will be good, even when He continues to allow you to go through these struggles.” I wanted to update some of my accountability partners, but I hesitated to share how my heart was struggling and decided that I would just update them later. But God, in His perfect timing, allowed one of them to send me a chat at that same minute. She said “Nicole! Prayed for you! How have you been?” It was as if God was speaking to me and making me realize that He was with me while I was struggling; that He sees my hurt and knows exactly how to comfort me.
It was such a reassuring moment for me, as the Lord reminded me of what I learned at church yesterday. How I am usually just after His solution and not His presence.
His faithfulness is still written all over my brokenness. I just need to look at the situation through His eyes.
By God’s grace, two men in the village helped change my tire and I was able to safely drive to S&R to have the tire checked and fixed. We eventually saw that a large nail was the culprit as it punctured the middle part of the tire. I praise God for this because if it punctured the side of the tire, I would need to buy a new one, which costs a whole lot more!
It has been a running joke for me and some of my friends about how colorful my life has been in the past weeks because of the health and car issues I have been having. Even though today was another tough moment for my heart, I still praise God for His grace and faithfulness that sustains and strengthens me. If you remember me, please pray that I would not lose sight of Jesus, whatever He allows me to go through in the coming days, weeks, and years.
Here’s my latest original song called “You’re Amazing”. May it encourage you today!