How Has God Been Faithful To You?

It has been a week since I last wrote my prayers and thoughts on my journal. Something happened recently which caused my heart to feel a number of emotions that I couldn’t easily process. Usually, when I am faced with concerns, I express myself through writing and I talk to God about them. But, this week, I just did not have the strength and motivation to do so.

Today, I had an extended time to rest because I wasn’t feeling well. My throat is getting sore and I can feel my immune system weaken even after indulging in Vitamin C. Aside from healing physically, I knew that I needed to intentionally take time to rest my heart and its concerns as I spend time with the Lord. It felt awkward and slow at first because a week already passed. But by God’s grace, He encouraged me to draw near to Him again and to remember His faithfulness in my life. With a weak heart and body, I opened my box of journals over the past years and took those from 2008 to the most recent journal this year. I then decided to read through all of my entries on March 5 from 2008 to 2017.

I had a few good laughs as I read through them because of the concerns and feelings that I shared. But, after reading, I appreciated how God was very personal and gracious to me during the different struggles and seasons in my life since 2008. Yesterday, at church, we were encouraged to recall God’s faithfulness through Lamentations 3:21-23.

So, I thought of sharing snippets from my journal since 10 years ago. May the Lord give our hearts the desire to spend time with Him and His Word each day, no matter how we feel; no matter what we’re going through.

How has God been faithful to you recently? :)

“If we are faithless, He remains faithful, for He cannot deny Himself.” -2 Timothy‬ ‭2:13‬ 

(Photo c/o Hiroshi)

 

March 5, 2008

Hay. This week, I’ve been struggling with Person A (forgiveness) and Person B (patience). I hate this feeling. Here I go again, Lord. Please comfort me and give me wisdom. I want to hurt Person A badly. UGH. But, I know I can’t. PLEASE HELP ME TO FORGIVE. Later, I’ll be throwing water-filled plastic bags towards the wall, so I could release my stress. Well, that’s if mom will allow me to waste plastic bags. This is sad. I am sad.

March 5, 2009

Thank you for waking me up on time and for this time that I can talk to you. I pray thay I would honor you today and that I will be still and know that You are God. Please guide me as I answer my management science test later. I tried to study but I don’t know if it’s enough…

March 5, 2010

I am not good at this — managing my time and really understanding my lessons well. Lord, I pray that you would show me Your grace once again and give me wisdom so I can maximize every minute that I have today.

March 5, 2011

🎶If I lost it all, will my hands stay lifted to the God who gives and takes away?🎶

I’m still struggling with insecurities, pride, and jealousy in my heart. I’m still tempted to believe in the lies in my head. But, I know there is no reason for me to be insecure because I know that You’ve loved me and will always love me no matter what…

March 5, 2012

Today, I’ll continue job hunting and fixing my attempt to blog. In a few weeks, it’ll be my 5th month of being unemployed. In spite of the impossible events and discouragements I am seeing, I want to still trust in you that you know what you are doing.

March 3, 2013 (closest journal entry)

Lord, I know that there are things I’ve done this week that did not honor you. I confess the trash in my heart and ask that you would help me control myself from engaging in sin. Thank you for new mercies each day. I may be weak but You are strong.

March 5, 2014

*sigh* I don’t know if I’m already giving up on myself because I’m tempted to believe in lies. I guess every time I make a mistake at work, I tend to have a hard time forgiving myself. I also try to be strong whenever that happens. But Lord, you know how weak my heart can get sometimes.

I know my relationship with you is worth it. It’s worth more than anything. So, I choose to honor You by not giving up even when I fall down.

March 4, 2015 (closest journal entry)

Day 2 of sick leave. Haaay. Is there any unconfessed sin in me? Is there something wrong with my heart and mind? Sometimes, I may not understand why You allow me to experience these hassles in life. But I know for sure, nothing goes to waste when they’re placed in Your hands. You will cause this unfortunate situation to work out for the good. I need to have faith in You, my Healer.

March 6, 2016 (closest journal entry)

It’s been two weeks and a day since I last wrote on my journal. I just feel so far from You. I’m sorry, Lord. I don’t feel like blogging, working, communicating, or even taking photographs for the upcoming contest. I feel so discouraged now. Please speak to me through the message at church today.

I hope it’s not too late for me to facilitate in the True Life retreat. It’s an opportunity that I want to take, if it’s Your will.

March 9, 2017 (closest journal entry)

I can’t wait for our date tomorrow. Huhu. I missed you, Jesus! I realized how badly I need to seek You and not the idols in my life. I’m sorry for having idols in my life — including myself.

 

Smile, Though Your Tooth Is Aching

I just came from an appointment with my dentist. The right side of my mouth is still pretty swollen as I am typing this. But, by God’s grace, I had a smooth and painless root canal session this afternoon. This, by the way, was my second root canal and I honestly do not want more in the future. Huhu.

When 75% of the treatment was completed, Doctor Grace was observing the X-ray of my tooth that she took in the middle of the procedure. While I was waiting on the patient’s chair, I thought about how the anesthesia felt like grace. Throughout the procedure, she asked me this question a couple of times: “Does it hurt now?” and I responded with “No.” each time. It was amazing! Was it supposed to hurt? I did not notice because of the anesthesia’s effect on my mouth. Despite my shortcomings in taking care of my teeth, I was still able to go through a painless treatment to kill the nerves of my tooth. Because of the anesthesia, I was spared from feeling the intense pain. It reminded me very much of GRACE. I felt so comforted and encouraged as I waited for the doctor to do the final steps in the treatment.

But then, the unexpected happened.

Doctor Grace asked me to stand beside her so I could also have a careful look at the X-ray. At first, it seemed normal, until she said: “We will need to monitor your teeth in the coming days or weeks. I am not yet sure why, but there’s something unusual about your tooth. It looks like the bottom side of your tooth is cracked.” While she was explaining these to me, my surroundings started to become clouded and I remember trying to keep myself focused on what she was saying. I said some words such as, “Ohhh, yeah!”, “That’s weird.”, “There IS a crack!”, “What does it mean?”, and “What could have caused it?”. She answered my questions as she led me back to the dental chair and then she finished the rest of the treatment.

Usually, when I encounter concerns or problems in my life, I quickly whisper a sincere prayer to the Lord saying “Lord, please help me.” Or “Please guide me. What should I do?”. But, at that moment, I couldn’t even muster a word to the Lord. I responded with a blank stare and with silence in my heart. Before leaving the clinic, I did my best to ask as much questions as I could about the options that I have, things I should expect and watch out for, and the possible worst scenarios that could happen. My dentist eventually told me to go back after a week or two, so I could have it checked again. She also said: “Let’s pray that it won’t be something serious and that it would not worsen.” I said “Okay, doc!” and went straight to the car.

“Let’s pray… let’s pray about it. Pray? Really, Lord? Do You really answer prayers? Why do problems in this life never end? In my life?! I just came from a root canal treatment and You know how huge this leap was for me. But, after making that leap, You still allow me to face another hurdle with my teeth? I bet other people don’t have problems like this. Lord, I am honestly so disappointed with this situation.”

I think I spent the next five minutes withdrawing from the Lord and drawing near to Him again with a heavy heart and with a few tears in my eyes. In Tagalog, I said to Him: “Lord, nagtatampo ako sa Inyo. Bakit ako? Bakit ngipin ko na naman?” However, despite the hurt and numbness in both my tooth and heart, I somehow kept repeating these lines in my mind:

“God answered your prayer for a successful root canal session! Praise God! Thank Him!”

“Grabe, Nic. Remember grace. Even your doctor’s name is Grace! God is encouraging you to remember that His grace is sufficient in your weakness.”

“Just like any other test or challenge in the past, this is an opportunity to strengthen your faith as you trust in the Lord, Nic.”

“You have two options now. You can either COMPLAIN or TRUST that God is in control.”

…and then, I started to sing the lyrics “He is high and exalted and worthy of praise. With our hearts, we will love and adore. He is high and exalted and worthy of praise. Holy is the Lord.”

Honestly, a part of me was discouraged to pray for blessing, prevention of worse situations, provision, and protection because I felt that these were beyond God’s control. But, clearly, this was a lie in my head. By the grace of God, another side of me continued to remind me of verses in the Bible which talk about who God is:

ISAIAH 55:8 – GOD IS SOVEREIGN

“For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, declares the Lord.”

MATTHEW 17:20 – GOD IS FAITHFUL AND ABLE

“…If you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there’, and it will move. Nothing is impossible.”

PSALM 84:11 – GOD IS GOOD

“For the Lord is a sun and shield… No good thing does he withhold from those whose walk is blameless.”

A few minutes before I typed this blog post, God encouraged me to humble myself before Him and ask for Him to remove every hint of bitterness, disappointment, anger, and doubt towards Him in me. Even if it is currently very difficult for me to swallow problem after problem when it comes to my aching teeth, by God’s grace, I will keep on trusting in the Lord’s sovereignty, faithfulness, power, and goodness.

With this, I humbly ask that you would pray for me as well as I go through the next few days and weeks. Here are some of my specific prayer requests for my teeth:

  1. The “crack” on my tooth – We’re not yet sure if it is a crack. But, if it is, please pray that it would not cause any pain or swelling at its area or around it. That it would miraculously heal and be attached to the tooth.
  2. That I would not have to get that tooth extracted, so that it would not require me to have retainers or dentures and more expenses in the future.
  3. That the tooth that went through a root canal would completely heal in the next two weeks.
  4. That the weak molar beside that tooth would not be sensitive and would not need to go through a root canal too.
  5. That I would not have infections in my teeth, gums, bones, nerves, etc.
  6. That I would be intentional in taking care of what’s left in my set of teeth.
  7. That I would still faithfully walk in obedience to the Lord and have the desire to spend time with Him and His word. More than experiencing the pain in my teeth, I know that it would be more costly and painful for me to NOT walk with the Lord. May You be glorified in this situation; in my heart.

All of these things I pray in the name of Jesus. Amen!

Thank You, Lord, for answering these prayers, in advance! Because of who You are, I can smile even though my tooth is aching. :)

Did You Pray About It?

What do you when you’re running late for work and your car won’t start after 10 minutes of trying? You call for help. Yup! That’s right. I called for help. My initial response was to call my sister, who eventually went down with my younger brother to help me. However, after many attempts, we still couldn’t start the engine. So, I finally called our dad.

When I relayed the problem and the solutions we tried to come up with, he asked me a question that left me speechless for a few seconds. He said “Did you pray about it?” For a moment there, time stood still as the question echoed in my mind. “Did I pray about it? Did I? I think I did. Oh, no! I didn’t!”

I must have mustered some sort of cry to God when the engine wouldn’t start earlier today, but I don’t remember taking time to pause, lift the situation up in prayer, and trusting that God is able to let it work. I was embarassed to admit it but I quickly replied to my dad and said “Oh, I didn’t po. I didn’t pray yet.”

What was I thinking?! Why didn’t I even pause and pray? I then realized how easily I got caught up with the problem that I focused on trying to solve it without even consulting God.

As dad tried to start the car, He reminded me of two things: 1) Importance of Prayer (Mark 9:28-29) and 2) For me to consider buying a small and affordable brand new car, so that I would avoid having these kinds of problems.

Before attempting again, I prayed out loud with my dad beside me. Surprisingly, the car started after! But, when we switched on the aircon, the engine shut off again. This time, we really needed the help of a mechanic.

At that time, I was already preparing myself to accept the fact that I may not have a car for the next few days or weeks and it honestly gave me additional stress. Commuting to and from work isn’t convenient for me, plus, the limited grab and uber rides wouldn’t help. However, it was also during that moment that God reminded me of how everything is His and how He can take things in my life away from me anytime.

When this happens, will I still thank the Lord? How will I choose to respond? Even though today’s events were a bit stressful, I do appreciate how God is very intentional and personal in the way He speaks to me. Had I not experienced the car’s breakdown today, I would have probably continued to take things for granted. I would have forgotten to take time to pray about the decisions that I will be making for the day.

After waiting for a few hours, thankfully, dad was able to find mechanics who were available to assist me at home this afternoon. As I walked over to meet the mechanics, with a heavy yet hopeful heart, I told God: “Lord, would you please have mercy on me? Please allow the men to successfully fix the car today. Thank you.”

For about an hour and a half, the two men worked on the car and fixed it! Woohoo! We just needed to replace the fuel pump! By God’s grace, I didn’t need to leave the car at a repair shop for a long time. I can use it for my errands and activities in the coming days! Huhuhu.

“Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” -Philippians‬ ‭4:6-7‬

I wish I could say that I did good today. But, my initial response wasn’t something that I was or am proud of. I realize that, sometimes, God uses challenging and humbling times to help me shift my focus back to Him. He knows everything about me and He knows what I need. Why would I not choose to seek Him first?

Seek Him first, Nic. Learn from today’s gentle reminder.