Category: Life

Will This Bring Me Closer To You?

I always tell my siblings how much our pomeranian, Copper, likes me. Whenever I get the chance to bond with him, he stays beside me and licks me continuously! Also, 99% of the time, he comes to me when I ask him to. But, my all-time favorite moment with him happens during our walks at the park. Whenever he’s more than a meter away, he would look back at me, see me squat on the ground, run towards me, and pounce his tiny bear-like body on my legs. Afterwards, he would sit under me like a baby penguin sits under its parent.

Most of the time, his clinginess is adorable. But, there are moments when I just want him to stay still or stay at a distance from me. For example, yesterday, I brought him to the groomers so he could have his overdue haircut. Instead of sitting on the passenger’s seat, he jumped to me and attempted to sit on my lap for the whole ride. I knew I could get in trouble for this because it was a distraction while I was driving. So, I did my best to softly push him to sit still on the chair beside me.

After his grooming, I picked him up and drove back home. Again, he wouldn’t stop going near me. So, I thought of a compromise. I allowed him to sit on my left leg as I leaned it on the driver’s door. This made him feel at ease and I was still able to turn the wheel without him blocking me. However, in the future, I would need a better plan.

Nonetheless, I do enjoy hanging out with Copper. Even if there are other spaces on my bed, whenever he’s on it, he positions his body beside mine. Whenever I lay down on the floor, he would go out of his “cave” (a.k.a. the space below my bed) and sit beside me. It warms my heart to know that he trusts me and chooses to be close to me.

This scenario reminded me of how the Lord is pleased when I choose to draw near to Him too. It says in Hebrews 11:6, “And without faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to him must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who earnestly seek him.” Also, contrary to how I sometimes feel towards Copper’s clinginess, the Lord will never push us away when we seek Him. In fact, James 4:8 shows us that God will draw near to us when we draw near to Him.

In a way, this was a timely reminder for me because I have been dealing with a lot of major decisions lately. But by God’s grace, He has been helping me process my concerns with His Word, godly counsel, and prayer. Also, as I was pouring my heart out on my journal last night, I found myself writing these down:

“When faced with a difficult decision, Nicole, ask yourself this question: ‘Will this decision bring me closer to Jesus or farther away from Him?’”

“You, God, are my God, earnestly I seek you; I thirst for you, my whole being longs for you, in a dry and parched land where there is no water. Because your love is BETTER than life, my lips will glorify you.” -Psalm 63:1,3

Can I honestly say these verses from my heart?

Do I enjoy God’s presence in my life?

Does my heart yearn for him, thirst for Him, run to him, trust him, and abide in Him and His word in every season of my life?

Do I like what God likes? Do I hate what He hates?

Do I pursue what He wants me to prioritize now?

Do I seek and love Him with all my heart, soul, mind, and strength?

Or do I give him my leftover minutes in a day? And linger in my doubt, laziness, distractions, pride, worry, and desire for treasures that will fade away?

If I think about choosing a decision, no matter how big or small, that will take me or others farther away from the Lord, I would immediately need to have my heart and motives checked and renewed by Him. Because it just wouldn’t make sense. WHAT OR WHO COULD BE BETTER THAN JESUS?

NOTHING! NO ONE!

Copper chooses to be as close to me as possible all the time. If my dog can do that to me, how much more should I have the desire and will to draw closer to Jesus? It boils down to making a choice… and choosing Him every single time will only be by His grace and by the power of the Holy Spirit in me.

Overcoming Addictions

“Just one more episode and then, I’ll go to bed.” This was one of the lies I told myself three weeks ago, when I mindlessly binge-watched a series on Netflix. It started with a random search on a Friday night which eventually led me to staying in my room watching 40 more episodes until Sunday midnight. Before I knew it, I was hours away from waking up and preparing for Monday’s work. I have succumbed to an addiction that I didn’t want nor planned to have in the first place. Why did this happen to me? How did I overcome it?

My weekends are usually spent with family and friends or by myself inside my favorite coffee shop. When I am alone, I enjoy writing on my journal, reading the Bible and books, and doing my other hobbies. During that weekend, you could just imagine the sudden shift in my entire system after I experienced the unproductivity. Unfortunately, I saw how it negatively affected me in the ff. areas:

 

PHYSICAL

My body clock was messed up because I watched episodes until the wee hours of the morning. This made my face have that zombie glow. It was intense! I could feel and see how tired my eyes were and I could not appreciate the beauty of the sunlight and nature the next day because they were all too bright for me. Out of my desperation, I remember telling myself “NEVER BINGE-WATCH AGAIN!” However, the day after, I ended up watching two more episodes before I slept. Oh, boy.

 

EMOTIONAL

My unproductivity and lack of sleep unleashed a side of me that I did not like at all. I was more irritable, insecure, stressed, and easily discouraged. I felt weaker by the moment because of my disappointment towards myself and how I wasted a weekend. I don’t even have to describe how I responded to different people and situations last week. You can just visualize how messed up my heart was too!

 

SPIRITUAL

Out of all the aspects that got affected by my recent addiction, this was the one that broke my heart the most. More than being unproductive and feeling my body give up on me, I deliberately chose NOT to spend time with the Bible and seek God during my rest days that weekend. I know. What was I thinking, right? The message to draw near to Him was loud and clear to me, but my stubborn self still did the opposite. That weekend, I felt so helpless and trapped that I ended up continuing what I was doing because it seemed irreparable already. But, God still pursued my unfaithful heart. I remember thinking: “Nic, you’ve experienced and accepted Jesus in your life. You know how He transformed you from the inside out. Have you forgotten about this? Have you forgotten about Him?” In the next few days, by God’s grace, I slowly came back to my senses and saw the addiction and my idolatry for what they really were.

To be more specific, I did three things to overcome this specific addiction:

FIRST: I humbled myself before the Lord and sought His wisdom. I asked Him to help me see the root cause of my addiction. In my case, I realized that I was hardening my heart towards God because of certain unanswered prayers in my life.  (James 1:5)

SECOND: I became accountable to people in my life that I knew would guide and remind me of honoring God as I let go of the addiction. (James 5:16 and Ecclesiastes 4:9-12)

THIRD: I deleted the Netflix app on my phone and intentionally prayed and planned for activities that I can do to replace this addiction in my life. (Psalm 24:1, Ephesians 5:15-16, Romans 12:1-2)

Ironically, I have already exceeded the 6-month mark of fasting from my social media accounts (Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram). By God’s grace, this has helped me greatly in overcoming many concerns and in being a better steward of the resources that God has given me. But, I realized that it is important to continue abiding in the Lord and His Word if I want to persevere in this and honor Him through it. Otherwise, I will solely depend on my own feeble strength and eventually fall into more addictions in my life.

1 Corinthians 10 spoke to my heart two weeks ago, as God reminded me of certain principles in the Bible. These verses hit me hard: “So, if you think you are standing firm, be careful that you don’t fall! No temptation has overtaken you except what is common to mankind. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can endure it. “I have the right to do anything,” you say—but not everything is beneficial. “I have the right to do anything”—but not everything is constructive. So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God.” (v. 12-13, 23, 31)

By the grace of God, during the next two weekends, I intentionally spent time with Him and His word and I slept for longer periods of time. Woohoo! It was definitely more refreshing than what I experienced three weekends ago. Although I have to be honest, at first, it really did take a lot of effort for me to dig deep in His Word again. However, I am encouraged to keep my eyes focused on God’s faithfulness and grace instead of crippling myself with thoughts of shame, regret, and disappointment towards myself. My spiritual condition might have been wounded, but, I continue to put my confidence and hope in Jesus alone. May this truth resonate in my heart — His mercies are new every morning! They are new every morning.

Bible, Buskers, and BGC

My voice and hands were shaking while I was singing in the middle of a sidewalk at Uptown Parade, BGC (Bonifacio Global City) last Thursday. For the first time in my life, I played my original song, “Heto Na Naman Ako” in public and it was one of the most memorable moments I have had in my life. More than having the privilege of singing and playing the guitar, my heart was blessed with how God allowed me to experience Him in a personal way that day.

Every Thursday night since April this year, by God’s grace, I led a Bible study group with some of the ladies at work. For eight weeks, we met consistently until we had to postpone our sessions due to storms and other seminars. When the weather became better last week, I knew that God was reminding me of bringing it back again. However, because I was juggling different concerns in my life at that time, I felt that I was inadequate and de-motivated to lead the ladies for Bible study. I even told God, “Lord, You would understand if I postpone it again, right? I really can’t see myself leading the group now. I just want to go home after work.” But, despite my efforts to express my lack of enthusiasm before God, He still encouraged me to push through that night.

Right after office hours, one of my colleagues (Eiza) invited me to watch her busker boyfriend, Jello, sing and play at Uptown Parade. My eyes beamed when I heard her because I have always been fascinated by buskers! I rarely see buskers in Manila, but I remember watching them when I had the chance to visit Singapore and Hong Kong a few years ago. In a few seconds, I thought: “How timely! Maybe I could just postpone the Bible study tonight!” But, God immediately reminded me of my commitment to Him in sharing Jesus to my colleagues through this small group ministry. So, I told my colleague that I was meeting some of our officemates for a Bible study that night instead.

During our Bible study, my heart was humbled and blessed because I missed listening to the updates of my colleagues. I was also encouraged because God reminded us of the importance and blessing of seeking Him and obeying His word. In our group, we started a 6-week series on knowing our “True Identity in Christ”. So far, we have studied Bible verses that talk about the identities: FORGIVEN & COMFORTED.  Last week, we studied what it meant to be SECURE in Jesus. When the Bible study was finished, I remembered the invite that my colleague shared to me earlier that evening. Since it was just 9 pm and the busking session was until 11 pm, I decided to drop by Uptown Parade.

Originally, I wanted to stay for 30 minutes only since we still had work the next day. But, as soon as I got to the venue, I did not even realize how quickly time passed by. I sat with my colleague and met another friend (Deck), while we all listened to Jello, as he serenaded the sidewalk where strangers and friends were hanging out. He played original songs and a few covers in between. He also asked his friend, Deck, to join him in singing and playing the guitar! After an hour, they started challenging me to sing and play too. Of course, my initial reaction was: “Yikes! No way!” Haha! I did not have any experience of busking in the past nor did I have the confidence to perform in public that night.

 

Also, one reason why I didn’t want to sing or play in public was because I was conscious of what other people would think of me, especially when I make mistakes. I felt that my songs weren’t polished yet, my vocal skills weren’t the best at that time, and months without practice made my guitar skills rusty. When I expressed what I felt to my new busker friend, Jello, he told me: “Don’t worry about it. It’s okay if you make mistakes. Deck and I made mistakes tonight too! Also, if you don’t try busking and sharing your music now at the sidewalk, when will you try singing and sharing your music in public? When you’re already in front of a lot of people? You can do it now! It feels great to share the music from your heart. Go! Sing one of your original songs!”

 

While they were encouraging me, I recalled what I learned during our Bible study earlier that night. One of the passages that I shared with the group was a recent personal favorite: Jeremiah 17:7-8, which says, “But blessed is the one who trusts in the Lord, whose confidence is in him. They will be like a tree planted by the water that sends out its roots by the stream. It does not fear when heat comes; its leaves are always green. It has no worries in a year of drought and never fails to bear fruit.” In an instant, Jeremiah’s words gave me the inspiration to busk with my new friends that night, even if I didn’t have any experience. I was reminded that my flaws and the opinions of other people do not define who I am and that by God’s grace, I am able to find my confidence in the Lord. Even in this simple and random situation.

Just before Jello closed his last set that night, he gave the floor to me. I remember whispering “Lord, I’ve decided to sing the song that I made last year which was about finding comfort in you. May you be honored. Please help me.” I reached for the guitar and positioned my mouth near the microphone as I strummed and sang from my heart. It was an exhilarating yet amazing feeling for me to be able to spontaneously share my music to random passers-by along Uptown Parade. Yes, my voice did crack and I did miss a few chords, but at the end of the night, my heart was on fire! I was beyond grateful for the quick opportunity to enjoy sharing an original song and listening to original compositions of my new friends too. Jello and Deck, who are songwriters, also eagerly encouraged me to continue writing songs. They even invited me to join songwriting sessions or clubs in the country.

That day started with worries and concerns in my heart which crippled me at the start. But, thank God for His grace! He still gave me the privilege of humbling myself before Him, studying His word with colleagues, randomly busking for the first time in BGC, and being affirmed by new friends to develop my skills and desire in songwriting. If it’s God’s will, I do hope that I will be able to share His grace through more music too.

Here’s a compilation of some snippets from busking last week:

 

Everything Else Will Be Bokeh

Working behind-the-scenes has always been a comfort for me. For those of you who do not know me yet, my personality and introversion are some of the reasons why I do not seek to be in positions or situations that place me in the spotlight. If the need arises, I can speak, sing, rap, or perform on stage. But, there’s something relaxing, beautiful, and meaningful for me whenever I work in the background. Two nights ago, I had the privilege of serving the Lord behind-the-scenes through photography at our church. Words cannot express how humbled and grateful I am for it.

The last time I was part of a ministry was back in 2014, when I was an active member of the singles group in one of our satellite churches in Makati. After two years in the ministry, God led me to focus on discipleship, both in the main branch of our church and in the office where I work. By His grace, He has humbled my heart, allowed me to grow, and used me to share Jesus to my colleagues and friends.

However, a few weeks ago, as I was praying for God’s direction for me, my passions, and desires in life, He encouraged me to join a ministry at church again. God reminded me of my love for photography and how it fills my heart to capture fleeting moments and share Him and His greatness through these. By faith, I sent an inquiry to our church and after a few minutes, I received a reply! God immediately opened a door for me to serve. The next day, I was invited to be part of the group of photographers and videographers who regularly volunteer and serve at church! Then, a couple of days later, the team leaders announced a sign-up sheet for the volunteers for the upcoming prayer and fasting services.

Even though I did not know anyone from the group and I had hesitations because I was not as skilled as the other volunteers, by God’s grace, He still encouraged me to sign up! A part of me could not believe how quickly God answered my prayer. But, another part of me also knew that God was working in my heart and helping me trust Him in this. For the first time after four years, I served the Lord in a ministry inside the church two nights ago. I realized that the church will continue to function with or without me. But, serving God in a ministry is a privilege that I will miss if I choose not to take part in it.

An hour before our call time, I prayed in the main hall and calmed my heart before Him. I remember feeling excited, inadequate, and anxious at the same time. I also remember thinking about all of the other concerns I had in my life which made my mind feel clouded and confused. So, I paused and asked God to remove the fears and worries in my heart and prayed for Him to clear my mind. I also thanked Him for the privilege of serving Him through photography.

“Lord, please help me focus my eyes on You. I pray that everything else will be bokeh tonight.” After praying those words, I was surprised by the analogy that God showed me. BOKEH is a term used in photography which is defined as the parts of an image that are out-of-focus. This word came from the Japanese word, Boke, which means “blur”. This effect makes the photo look nice as it allows the viewer to focus only on a certain part.

It was such a humbling and beautiful moment. I felt the God of the universe take time to be an intentional Father to me as he re-affirmed me by relating photography to my desire in keeping my eyes on Jesus. He then led me to read Isaiah 26:3 which says, “You will keep the mind that is dependent on You in perfect peace, for it is trusting in You.” 

“Everything else will be bokeh tonight. It’s not about me or others. I will focus my eyes on Jesus.” I repeated this to myself a couple of times before I prepared for the night’s service. It was exactly what my clouded mind needed to be reminded of.

After seeing my photos last night, I knew that I had so much to improve on. I even felt the struggle of finding the right manual settings as I moved from one spot to another. Also, it was quite challenging for me to take photos while making sure that I wasn’t a distraction to those praying. But, I had a wonderful and humbling time as I realized how this was not about me at all! It was encouraging to witness broken hearts desperately surrendering and praying to God too! Moreover, the Lord was gracious to encourage me, through the rest of the team of volunteers and photographers, to continue serving and growing in this skill for Him.

So, I am keeping myself accountable to you, dear reader. By God’s grace, I will be more intentional in sharpening my photography skills, whether or not I’ll be serving in our church’s events. Will you pray for me, please? That I will continue to seek and serve the Lord with the skills and resources that He has given me — not for my glory, but for His glory alone! Because at the end of each day, I know that everything else will be bokeh.

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About Me

My name is Nicole Obligacion and I started this blog because I was inspired by Hebrews 10:24 and Hebrews 3:13. I love to eat, cook, bake, read the Bible, and encourage. :)

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