Category: Life

Finding Peace in the Midst of Anxieties

I woke up at 4:30 am today feeling very anxious. My mind kept thinking about situations that triggered my insecurities and it caused me to re-visit my past moments of hopelessness and defeat. I began questioning my self-worth in Christ and I felt discouraged that I was struggling with these kinds of thoughts again.😳

I couldn’t go back to sleep, so I decided to wait for the sunrise instead. As I stared at the ceiling, I prayed to God and shared what was in my heart. He then reminded me to look back on God’s faithfulness in my life and start thanking God for the little and big things. I ended up reading an old entry from one of my journals and I came across Psalms 90:13-17. Verse 14 struck me! It says:

“Satisfy us in the morning with your unfailing love, that we may sing for joy and be glad all our days.”

At that moment, I felt the Lord re-assure me to keep my eyes on Him — the only One who can truly satisfy my heart. Even if I was feeling anxious, insecure, and worthless at 4am…

It was also an opportunity for me to choose Jesus and be satisfied in Him and His unfailing love. Not only in the morning, but in ALL the days of my life.đŸ™ŒđŸŒ

I went to our veranda and sat beside the window overlooking the sunrise as I listened to Mallary Hope’s song entitled “Me”. In a few minutes, the Lord displayed a playful sunrise right before my eyes. My family was still sleeping (even our dogs) and it was such a beautiful, peaceful, and re-assuring moment between me and my Heavenly Father.đŸ„° I thanked Him for the anxieties that woke me up at 4am because it led me to having that humbling morning with Him.

Despite not being a morning person, I was able to organize my gardening tools, remove weeds from the container beds, prepare my breakfast, cook ginger tea for my throat, and sang more songs to the Lord. I remember telling God a while ago, “Why do I feel this way, Lord? I have peace and joy and in my heart now, compared to when I woke up! I’m actually smiling now, as I boil ginger in water!” And He immediately reminded me of Philippians 4:4-7. By God’s grace, He made those verses very real in my life this morning and I am even more encouraged to continue abiding in Him and in His Word.

Anxieties may still linger in the coming days or even decades. But, in the midst of these, I am learning that we have a constant, faithful, and loving God who is graciously available 24/7 for us. With the help of the Holy Spirit, we can also surrender our thoughts and emotions to the Lord and be victorious over them! He tells us to rejoice in Him always, to be gentle, to not be anxious, and to pray in every situation with thanksgiving! And as we obey, His peace will guard our hearts and minds indeed.

Thank You, Jesus!

Worship Wherever

Two years ago, there was a season in my life where I struggled with going to church (the actual building) for worship. I preferred worshipping at home while watching videos via livestream because it was more convenient for me. Even though we only live a few minutes away from our church!

Later on, I realized that this was mainly because of my insecurities, pride, distractions, loneliness, or tampo towards God in my heart. There was also an intimidating vibe in my mind when I went to the building because I would attend weekly worship services alone most of the time… and I would see many around me with companions, families, or friends! You can just imagine the awkwardness in the introverted me whenever the speaker would say: “Okay, tell the person beside you, *insert title of message or lesson*..” — Eh madalas, wala pa akong katabi!🙈

But throughout those moments, the Lord would convict my heart and remind me that: 1) He looks at our hearts when we worship, wherever we are, and 2) Worship is all about Him! As I spent time with His word and surrendered this heart issue to Him, He gave me the desire to join the congregation in worshipping at church again! He allowed me to see that despite the lonely feeling in my heart, He is with me always and He can use me to serve and reach out to others who are alone or may be feeling lonely at church too.

Every first week of the month, our church celebrates the Lord’s Supper. To help me be accountable to the Lord, I took photos of the bread and juice before taking it and saved each photo on my phone. This served as a reminder for me as I worshipped Him at church, to keep my eyes on Jesus. To remember and thank Him for His love and grace for us, how He died and rose again so we can spend eternity in Heaven, and His resurrection power!

It has been two months since the ECQ (Enhanced Community Quarantine) started and I can honestly say that I miss going to the church building for our weekly services.😌 But of course, in the meantime, I have the privilege of worshipping and celebrating the Lord’s Supper at home as well. Wherever, whenever, I pray that my heart will choose to worship the Lord!đŸ™ŒđŸŒ

“One thing I ask from the Lord, this only do I seek: that I may dwell in the house of the Lord all the days of my life, to gaze on the beauty of the Lord and to seek him in his temple.” -Psalms‬ ‭27:4‬

Women Also Struggle with Pornography

In my almost thirty years of existence, I have only encountered a few conversations about women struggling with pornography. I don’t know why but it’s just not a common concern that women have. But, I have come to realize that maybe it was and we just didn’t want to talk about it.

Last month, I struggled with porn again. The first time I encountered it was during my childhood years when I would catch glimpses of sexual scenes on television. During the different stages of my life later on, I would occasionally fall again. Sometimes, it would last for a few minutes. Other times, it would go on for a couple of days. Going through porn made me feel a mix of excitement, fear, shame, pleasure, and guilt. It felt good at first, but I also knew that it wasn’t pleasing to the Lord.

When I made a personal decision to accept Jesus in my heart as my Lord and Savior and decided to follow Him, the desire to search for porn faded away. By His grace, He gave me the strength to resist and flee from it each time I was tempted and He gave my heart a hunger for Him and His word.

I wish I could tell you that I never struggled with it again, but as I’ve mentioned earlier, I still do. When I look at those instances, I see a familiar and consistent pattern in my life. I easily fall into its trap most especially during the times when I am not abiding in God and His truths. This doesn’t happen overnight. It usually starts with unconsciously having a wrong view of who God is, which eventually affects how I seek and spend time with Him. If I am not careful, I end up going through days, weeks, and even months indulging on worldly pleasures and not being filled by the Spirit. So, when I get tempted by it, you can just imagine how easily I give in, despite knowing that this breaks God’s heart.

Here are some of the thoughts and experiences I’ve had while I struggled with porn:

  1. “It’s just for a little while.” — LIE! The dopamine effect is quite strong and it does become an addiction, if left unchecked.
  2. “No one will know.” — God sees and knows everything.
  3. “No one else is going to be affected by it.” — After doing it, I remember needing to psych myself so that I wouldn’t view people / bodies in a lustful way. This is difficult because I would encounter people every day.
  4. “I want it now. It’s going to satisfy me.” — Yes, probably at first! But, the shame I felt afterwards far outweighed the satisfaction I had because of it. During those moments, I remember wanting more and more, which got me deeper into searching for materials that I never imagined myself viewing. It would even come to a point where I would feel numb or bored about certain degrees/levels of it. It doesn’t satisfy what my heart and soul crave for and it never will!

Despite these, I still fell recently and it broke my heart mainly because I knew I was breaking God’s heart by engaging in it again.

“Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.” –Philippians 4:8

“But among you there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality, or of any kind of impurity, or of greed, because these are improper for God’s holy people.” –Ephesians 5:3

Many years ago, I decided to follow Jesus. By His grace, I pray that I will be faithful to Him here on Earth, until He calls me home. One specific action step that I’ve taken to battle this struggle is to finally open up these details to the public through my blog. Of course, this is in addition to going back to the Word of God daily, surrendering and seeking Him in prayer, and committing to be accountable to Him and others.

Another reason why I’ve decided to share this in public is because I do want to encourage other women (or men) out there who also go through this or something similar, but are afraid to open up about it. You are not alone in this!😌 Pornography, also, shouldn’t be a topic that is swept under the rug. It’s a struggle and it is real, both in the lives of men and women.

After experiencing brokenness from the Lord last month through this struggle, He gave me a new song to sing. I sang these lyrics for the first time while I was driving home, desperately wanting to change and get back to the cross again. If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us and purify us from all unrighteousness (1 John 1:9). I praise God for his grace, forgiveness, and mercies that are new each day. May this song encourage you to draw near to Jesus too!

Eyes on You

Last night, I had the opportunity to spend time with the Lord after attending a discipleship conference in church. There were so many issues and ideas that I wanted to process with God, but He allowed me to focus on one concern — the UNBELIEF in my heart.

By His grace, I do get to spend time with Him and His Word and apply the lessons He has been teaching me, especially when it comes to taking steps of faith. However, I realized that whenever I pray, there are still hints of worry and doubt in my heart. The Lord made it clear to me this weekend to finally get rid of them. I read James 1:5-6 and Matthew 14:22-33 to remind myself of what it means to trust in Jesus. I couldn’t imagine what Peter felt when Jesus asked him to walk on the water, but this story inspired me to keep my eyes on Jesus too.

I ended the night with a new chorus in my heart and I woke up this morning writing the rest of the song. It is entitled “Eyes on You” and it is about Matthew 14:22-33 and how there really is no reason for us to doubt who God is and what He is able to do. I hope this song will also encourage you to trust in Him too!

 

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About Me

My name is Nicole Obligacion and I started this blog because I was inspired by Hebrews 10:24 and Hebrews 3:13. I love to eat, cook, bake, read the Bible, and encourage. :)

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