Category: Life

Deep down in my heart, I realized that there is a longing to be understood by others. But, I’m learning that no one or not everyone can understand me completely in this lifetime — and this shouldn’t discourage me.

 

ONE WHO IS TOO SENSITIVE

I was told that I was a hypersensitive person or someone who easily gets hurt. This came from instances in the past where I would be vocal to others about how he / she have hurt me or others, especially when topics close to my heart are joked about.

As I was processing this with the Lord, there was a huge ache in my heart because I was trying to figure out specifically how to improve and move forward. I was very much aware of how high my empathy is and how I quickly pick up on my feelings and others’. But at the same time, because I feel deeply, I also speak out when I feel hurt or when I see something that needs to be addressed. Sometimes, this is good. But there are times when this isn’t needed.

 

TWO SCENARIOS

A sensitive person may view others as being insensitive. This usually happens when others joke about certain topics or people or when they make unnecessary comments. On the other hand, others who joke or comment about these may view someone who feels deeply affected by it, as being too sensitive or emotional.

Both may not (or never) understand where the other person is coming from.🙃

 

THREE TAKEAWAYS

I felt the Lord speak to me about how I can move forward with what I can control. He impressed on my heart these three things:

 

1. We were not created to understand each other. But, we were created to love.

 

If the goal was to understand / be understood, then it will allow someone to gain more knowledge or try to get the attention of others. Then, he/she may eventually use this to control the situation or the people involved.

But thankfully, we were created and commanded to love the Lord and to love one another instead. This kind of love that God continues to show us is unconditional and it is the example of love that I should be applying. It means that I should love EVEN IF I don’t always understand or agree with others. Even if others don’t understand where I’m coming from. Even if I was hurt or will eventually get hurt by others.

 

2. God knows and understands us, even when no one else can.

 

God created us and knows us more than we know ourselves. This truth comforted my heart as I let go of the need to be understood by people. I simply don’t have to put that burden on others and others also don’t have to put that burden on me. The Lord already knows what is in my heart, He cares for me, and I can freely open up to him. It’s the same for others as well.

Once I learn to accept this, it will eventually show in my behavior. I wouldn’t need to constantly bring up the wrongs of others nor would I have to beat myself up when I make mistakes or have struggles that don’t seem to end. I also wouldn’t expect from others and feel disappointed when they don’t understand me and my concerns.

 

3. God is God and I am not. I am also not the “Holy Spirit Jr.”

 

I am encouraged to surrender difficult things and people to the Lord. Not having the burden to constantly let others know of their blind spots. But, bringing my concerns up to God first and trust that if it is His will, the Holy Spirit will speak to their hearts and help them change. As the Holy Spirit is also moving in me. Besides, if the Lord wants me to rebuke others in love, then I believe He will clearly speak to me as well.

Even as I counsel others, I am reminded that I may not fully understand them too. Only God can. So, it is very important for me to lead them to Him instead.

——

At the end of each day, I am reminded that life isn’t about me or any other person. But, about our gracious God who chooses to love us constantly. How amazing it is to be loved by this same God who knows and understands us completely.

For the first time in 5 years, I accidentally hit my DSLR’s 50mm lens against our wall and it created a dent on it. My heart broke as I shouted “Ohhh myy gosssh! Noooo!😰”

I was standing on a stool, taking photos of some of our herbs, when this happened. As soon as one of my legs bent down, the stool tilted and I fell on my side, causing my leg to have a huge bruise (Hello, ice pack!). I raised the camera as I was falling, but since I was beside the wall, it still struck against it!

I immediately checked the damage and realized that ONLY THE LENS FILTER WAS BENT! It’s similar to the tempered glass on our phones. THANK YOU, LORD!!🙏🏼 I remember receiving this tip years ago — to secure a lens filter on top of the actual lens, since this protects the lens from dust and damage, in case the camera drops! I was relieved, but also anxious at the same time. As of the moment, there are no cracks inside the lens and I can still adjust the focus.

The biggest concern I had was how expensive the lens is. It is thrice the price of a basic kit lens and ever since I got it five years ago, I did my best to take care of it. Also, it would be such a hassle to go to a repair shop or to buy a new one now, considering our current situation with COVID and my lack of funds.

The funny thing about this experience is that a few minutes before my fall, I was admiring how the lens was able to capture lovely bokeh effects. I loved the quality of the photos! So, when the accident happened, I realized that THESE MATERIAL THINGS CAN EASILY BE GONE IN AN INSTANT! At that moment, I saw how quickly I was tempted to get discouraged or angry and it showed me what was in my heart.😬

Tomorrow (Sept. 5) is the 5th birthday of my DSLR camera. HOW TIMELY! As I take a deep breath and massage my bruised leg, I accept this as a humbling reminder from the Lord. In the same way that my 50mm lens creates bokeh and focuses only on what is necessary, I, too, must focus on what is most important in life. Not being fixated on material things or desires that will eventually fade away.

I honestly don’t know if that intense hit on my lens filter has a negative long term effect on my camera, but, I will take it one day at a time. I am still so grateful for the past 5 years with it. So many memories documented using it! By God’s grace, I hope to be able to use it more in the future.

To my fellow photographer friends, I know you understand my heartbreak! Hahahuhu. I can’t remove the lens filter now, though. I think it got jammed.💔🙈

This morning, while I was researching about an organic insecticide, I read contradicting tips and conclusions across many articles online. After reading and watching a few more materials, I sighed, and said “I wish there was a bible for gardening. I just want to know and apply the REAL truth!”🙈

This made me think about how I’ve been learning a lot about truth this week. One specific highlight happened last Monday at 3:30 am. I received an angry email from a contact person who accused me of doing something that I didn’t do. She showed me a curse word and accusation that I had sent to her number and it seemed like she was angry at me for five days!😨 But, when I showed her that the mobile number she was texting WASN’T my number, everything made sense. Eventually, she apologized for how she responded.

That moment hit me! If I’m not careful with what I think of or if I’m not intentional in discovering the real truth, I may also end up believing in and acting on a lie, without me knowing.

But, more than knowing the truth, I find that there is greater value in experiencing it. Because knowledge of the truth can sometimes be shaken by lies that seem to be true. On the other hand, a personal experience with truth gives us first-hand access to it!

Even if others tell us it’s a lie, we won’t be easily shaken because we HAVE EXPERIENCED the truth!

Similar to gardening, I may not know tons about it, but when I read tips online, instead of immediately believing it, I like to experiment with it first. In this way, I am able to discover AND experience the truths (or lies) in them. E.g. Years ago, I didn’t know this. But after many experiments, I now know that if you put the right cutting of Basil in water, it will root and eventually grow as a new plant.🌱

I also may not know everything about God, the Bible, the world, or even myself. But, because by His grace, I AM EXPERIENCING His presence in my life (whenever I pray, study the Bible, and walk with Him), I can confidently say that He and His words are true.💯 This gives me hope even when I’m surrounded by troubles and lies.

Whew.😅

📷: I took this photo during our trip in Bangkok last 2017. Only the BOTTOM 10% of the photo is real. The rest of the picture is only a reflection seen in a random puddle.