Earlier today, I sent out messages to some of my accountability partners because of my heavy heart. I remember having anxious thoughts about certain concerns that I have been dealing with recently. After asking for their prayers, the burden felt lighter. However, on my way home from work, the thoughts came back again. This time, they were darker.
As soon as I stepped out of the office, I knew that I had to talk to God about my anxieties. So, while I was driving, I played the songs I wrote last year which were based on Biblical truths. For the first 30 minutes of my drive home, I felt peace in my heart as I was in awe of how amazing and comforting God’s Word is. I thanked Him for His grace and the privilege of writing and singing His truths. But, during the second half of my drive home, fear slowly crept in my heart. I felt my heart tighten as I heard SPECIFIC words spoken to me. Words such as “FEAR, HARM, and RAPE.”
As soon as I felt the fear, I immediately prayed and asked God to remove them from my mind and protect me from whatever attack that was. After praying, I remember feeling the fear still, so I continued to open my heart to the Lord. I reminded myself that He was in control, good, sovereign, and loving, no matter what. I also recited verses in my head, verses about who He is and the promises that He has for us. After doing so, I closed my hand and pounded my heart as I rebuked the fear and lies in Jesus’ name. By that time, I was already inside our village and was about to park when this song randomly played in my Spotify playlist: “Don’t Be Afraid” by Brandon Heath:
For the one who keeps it all inside
Or the one who says: No, I’m just fine
For the one who hurts too much to cry
Don’t be afraid
For the one who knows but will not say
Or the one who’s blinded by the pain
Anyone just trying to be brave
Don’t lose faith
Don’t lose heart
He is with you wherever you are
Don’t give up
When you fall apart
He is with you
You gave Him your heart
He’s keeping it safe
When you’re in the dark
Caught up in the fray
Wherever you are
Whatever you face
You’re held in the arms
That nothing can break
So don’t be afraid
I took a deep breath as I thanked the Lord for His reassurance and the security that we have in Him. Tonight, I was reminded of the importance of these three things:
1) NOT TO LET SIN LINGER ANY LONGER – During the attack, I remembered Ephesians 4:27 which says: “and do not give the devil a foothold.” N O T E V E N A H I N T. I saw how Satan can use our sins (even our anxieties) to try to distort our view of God and His truths.
2) REMEMBER WHO GOD IS AND WHO WE ARE IN HIM – 1 John 4:4 says “You, dear children, are from God and have overcome them, because the one who is in you is greater than the one who is in the world.” How ironic that this happened right after I listened to songs about God’s Word and the day after I posted a blog about making 1 John 4:4 a reminder for me this new year. But somehow, God allowed these moments to happen for a reason. Tonight was a reminder for me to be intentional in seeking the Lord and His Word each day.
3) KEEP MYSELF ACCOUNTABLE – I cannot grow in my spiritual walk without being honest and accountable to God and people who will lovingly rebuke me and pray for me, when needed. It says in James 5:16 “Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed.” By God’s grace, I pray that I will continue to improve in this aspect. Thank you, prayer warriors, for fighting with me, on your knees.